I have recently made the decision to euthanize this blog. You want reasons?
  1. It's old news.
  2. Most of it is a fandom I am no longer a part of.
  3. I never update.
  4. It attracts spam.
  5. Tumblr has taken its place in my heart.
  6. And, last but not least...
  7. I am not writing anymore fanfiction.
There ya have it. My apologies to anyone who visited often in hope and longing for something, but I've played a broken record in repeating myself that I'm no longer in this business. It was awesome while it lasted, I loved you guys, and I wish you all the best.

Anyone who has a tumblr... Feel free to follow me there:


Please know that this journal is


 Some of my entries are somewhat "private" obviously, so you have to add me as a friend to view them. Less private material will be posted to the public, such as updates on music, icon/graphics posts, fanfics, random fangirling and so on. Otherwise, feel free to add me if we already know each other, or if you want to get to know each other! =D

  • Current Music
    Phoenix - Girlfriend
  • Tags

Work List

In an attempt to get organized, I've put together all of my work (fanfiction) into this post. Therefore, this should be easy navigation for new and old readers alike. Before I go on, I'd like to thank everyone for stopping by and reading my work. I love to hear from readers, what they think, and what I could do to become a better writer. Although I am mainly doing this for myself, I love hearing from you as well. <3

As for these stories, most, if not all, will be centered around South Korean girlband SNSD. I think the SNSD fandom lacks fanfiction, especially good smut, so, one day, I decided to take the challenge and write my own. I encourage people, fans all over, to write and be inspired. It's really, really exciting, and you'll enjoy it, whether you're skills are good or crap. Because when it comes down to it, it's simply doing what you love.

Anyway, please do be enjoying your sex fanfiction! =D

Release Series
Rating: R/NC-17 due to sexual themes
Pairing: Check out the list in the post.
Theme: Masturbation, lol
Summary: Nine one-shot stories written about the girls in awkward situations where they're forced to, uh, find a sudden outlet for pleasure. Pairings vary, but there's a heavy amount of Yoonyul and Jeny.

Rating: PG-13/R
Pairing: YulTi (past JeNy)
Theme: Romance/Angst
Summary: Loving someone who is afraid to fall in love is tough, and Yuri learns how tough it is when she starts to realize she's in love with Tiffany. Unfortunately, Tiffany is not into commitment, and is hung up on her past, which contains a girl named Jessica. What is to become of Yuri and Tiffany?

Let's Make Music
Part 1 / Part 2
Rating: R/NC-17 (part 1), PG-13/R (part 2)
Pairing: Taeny (Taeyeon/Tiffany)
Theme: Drunk!Sex
Summary: It's one of those typical bad situations where two drunk friends have sex, only to wake up the next morning with complicated feelings that can only be settled with a small fight and a nice make-up. Cute.

SNSD Drabbles

That moment when you open someone's eyes.

I wouldn't say I've gone so far as to change someone's whole opinion on something. That's a little bit harder to process, I think, but I have undoubtedly encountered something that has never happened to me before.

Growing up, I never had a problem with my sexuality. I was lucky enough to be born into a family which was extremely open-minded and accepting of anything considered outside of the box. To add to, the high school I went to was fairly open, albeit a few years before no one was out of the closet except two people perhaps. Overall, I was never ridiculed. I have many friends, people who don't base me on my sexuality and never questioned it. (Well, unless the questions were counted about what my type was and so on.)

In my current job, I'm in a field with people who are a bit unknown. I didn't grow up here, and I've met a few characters. I obtained the job by knowing the owner, but I don't think that was the whole reason for getting the job. Anyway, we're a small work force, containing only five people, including myself. I work with different characters--one's a hard pill head, one is a religious, hardworking woman, one is a hippie, and the last is a criminal with violent tendencies (supposedly).

The last has become one of the best people to work with, and unlike the others, I have hung out with him outside of work. When we first met, my impression of him wasn't too high: he talked about fighting and spoke arrogantly. Also, he started a conversation on gay people during one of our shifts, proceeding to claim he was homophobic towards the idea of two men together. After this, he asked if I was gay and offended by his opinion. I told him, yes, I am gay, but as for his opinion.... I was there to work, not change his way of thinking.

Growing up in the south and witnessing homophobic acts and being around open-minded individuals, I've come to realize that both exist with or without reason. I would love for everyone to be at least open-minded, but I understand it's a lot to ask. There's too much religious influence, as well as old fashioned ways of thinking. Nonetheless, I do still feel a little helpless when someone wants to bash part of my lifestyle. (I say part because being gay shouldn't be a whole lifestyle.)

Anyway, I've come to be closer with this individual. I've learned a lot about him, although I take some of his words with a grain of salt. (His stories can come out exaggerated, but I give him credit on certain things.) Recently, while at work, I was standing there, watching him cook. At random, he said thank you. I was confused, wondering if I'd done something that morning to help make things easier for him in the kitchen or something, but when I asked why, I received a surprising answer.

He was thanking me because he never thought he'd ever have a gay friend.

I was truly touched, moved beyond words. I realized that I probably hadn't changed his whole point of view on homosexuals, but he was now considering me a friend, someone he could rely on. As he continued to speak, he said he came to realize that I was more of a person, and after a while, he'd stopped thinking about how I was a lesbian and something more instead. I laughed. That's all any gay person wants the world to believe.

We're people, too--we fall in love, we fight, we struggle, we cry, we get angry, and we die. Nothing makes us more or less special than a heterosexual. It's not about special rights, it's about equal rights.

I know that he's probably still hesitant on the thoughts of gays, but at least he was able to accept me into his life, in whatever form or fashion it has been in. I've changed someone, even just a little.
  • Current Music
    Chevelle - Send the Pain Below
  • Tags
    , ,

I can't be alone anymore

How is it that you build your walls up, they crumble, fall apart, and you simply continue to build them up bigger, stronger, and taller than the time before?

I don't like feeling vulnerable. I can't think of many people who do. Perhaps that's why we build the walls in the first place... But, part of me wonders why I have to build them up around everyone when it was simply you that caused them to fall in the first place. Your my blood, my family, and everything I looked up to as a child. You broke my heart twice, though, and I should have known better the second time.

That day you asked me for my key, I literally broke down on the way home... Actually, I no longer had a home at that moment. I was actually homeless for the first time in my life. I think it was then... that I began to change.

My mother took me in. You know, the woman everyone told me that never loved me my whole life. The woman who I left in order to stay with you. How ironic. She took care of me, and despite having a new family herself, she put me first. And, her new family was more welcoming than your wife had ever been. It churns and burns in my stomach when I think about her... She's fooled you, and you've let yourself be a fool.

But, it's still worse that I let myself be the fool as well.

I'm not sure what you've told people--I was a delinquent who constantly partied, I didn't follow rules, I was going to fail at college, I had tattoos and piercings, I was gay.  There's no telling anymore. After all of this time, I still get angry and upset. I'm still an emotional roller coaster ride that never ends. I tell myself I can't trust anymore, that I can't trust anyone. I don't like to be around the same people for too long, and I'd rather cover up my insecurities through bad habits. Maybe a few people know the inside, but I can fool just about anyone else.

I'd rather not talk about me, how I'm still hurt after months. I don't like pity parties, and I don't like unloading emotions on top of anyone else's. People have too much shit to deal with already, but we're human. I guess it's only fair to allow myself that sort of thing when I allow others to talk to me about their personal problems. It's a strain, it's anxiety, but it's what makes you feel alive. But, my anxiety no longer makes me feel alive. I just deal with it myself and shove my guests out.

I used to be lively, fun, and feel good about myself when I looked into the mirror. Now, I see a different person, and I can't look at her. She's fake. She's sad. She used to love everyone and anyone until she suddenly stopped. I want people to get close, but I won't let them. I push and pull until it hurts. Eventually, they'll give up, right? But, I know that's wrong. I know their intentions are good

Lifeless. I hate school, I have no idea what I want to do with my life, I don't want to stay here, I don't want to go. Push. Pull. Push. Pull.

When does it end? I guess that's for me to decide.

To Ze Readers!

Hello all!

I'm here to inform you that the series is going to be continued! An anonymous writer contacted me, and after some discussion, I decided to let the writer continue the series. So, please, give our writer all the encouragement you can! It will be greatly appreciated, and as soon as things are finished, please come back and check the stories out!

Thank you! :)

Fanfiction: What I Had for the Taesun fic...

Yeah, so this is what I had for the Taesun fic so far. At the end, there's a little blurb of what was suppose to happen from where I left off... Anyway, this is totally and completely raw. Like, it's never been read and I doubt I have found everything, so if something reads funny, you'll know I'm just a lazy heifer. Ha...

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bad news

Dear readers,

I've been getting a lot of friend adds and comments. I've responded to a few, but if I failed to respond, I sincerely apologize. To answer a very dire question...

I will not be continuing the Release series more than likely. My worship to SNSD ended a little less than a year ago. I don't want to keep stringing the readers along and letting them thing I'll continue something. I've honestly wanted to try, but seeing as to how I haven't actually written anything.... It's highly unlikely. I have a ton of stories sitting around though. It's a shame.

But, if anyone would like to continue or take on the task, feel absolutely free to do so. I feel like I'm letting you guys down... It's just.... I don't have the time or inspiration. I hardly ever get on here, and when I do, it's to look up simple things. I don't even come to my own journal. My proposal is that my next post will be a mish-mash of stuff I never posted. Maybe. I know I have a Yulsic that was going to have a huge storyline, but never did. (It does have a smut part in it, though, if you can handle the broken parts in it.)

And, have no fear-- I shall leave all of my stories up for your continuous viewing pleasure. :D I apologize to all of the SNSD fans. (Oh, you dirty people, you.) Now, this doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing... I'll probably jump back and forth on a lot of fandom trains. If something sticks out, read it. It would be my honor.

Next post - a little bit of everything. :) Thank you for your time!